If you have ever wondered how to have a successful relationship, you have either considered and/or received advice.
Where do people go if they need advice? Some people ask friends who are in happy, healthy relationships. Others ask their friends or seek counsel from a trusted member of the community such as a religious figure.If there are significant issues that may require mental health professional, individuals may seek counseling. Then there are others who seek for their answers online.
When seeking advice online, people will either do a search for a resource or blog that mentions their specific relationship question, social media or self-help guides. This type of troubleshooting can provide immediate gratification in the sense that there is an answer for their question. However, is the answer really a practical piece of advice or something else?
When searching for answers for relationship questions, there is a large industry of relationship vloggers, bloggers, and authors. Some of these sources attempt to identify common problems and suggest reasonable solutions that people can implement that may work. Then there are others who simply trash relationships, types of people, genders, and mindsets to reinforce stereotypes and inflame biases. This can either be for profit, to promote an agenda, or both (usually both). The contributor may be trying to promote a brand based on a specific mindset (ex. Male or female dominance) or just use the forum to promote products under the guise of offering to the discussion. Then there are others who just want to troll others and just provide flaming content that tells you what you may want to hear instead of identifying what is right or suggesting positive action that may solve or address the problem(s).
A few common examples are the videos and blogs about gold diggers or hypergamy (marrying for social status). Instead of offering advice on how to address a partner’s spending habits or fixation on money at the detriment of the relationship, the content is either a joke or condemnation of a group as being hopelessly set in their ways and incapable of change. Going further many of the contributors claim that all people of a particular group are this way or all women are this way. You cannot trust a gold digger and you should never take them at their word. Generalizing people, usually women, just reinforces stereotypes and negative attitudes that just increase angst. This can then in turn be used as justification for a variety of behaviors in response or in retaliation instead of usable relationship advice.
In contrast with allegations of less than truthful intentions by women, there are social media posts, videos, and blogs that claim that all men cheat or that most men participate in a number of frowned upon pursuits. According to some of these sources, all men are dogs that do not know how to behave and that it is justifiable for women to lie, cheat, and steal in relationships (ex. Keep a secret bank account). Choices are limited and women need to train their men to behave and treat the situation as transactional. If the man does x, then the woman will do y to reinforce that there will be consequences or z if the man has been good. On the other hand, the man should not expect the same level of cooperation or accountability. And when confronted about the inequities about divorce law and power in marriage, the bloggers counter by stating that men have dominated women for thousands of years instead of talking about the here and now.
Relationships can be complicated. Two people are not going to agree on everything. There is such a thing as free will as well as autonomy and individuality. Relationships require work, patience, understanding, and also an understanding of the limitations and the benefits of having a relationship. Seeking advice for yourself or how to deal with problems is a good way to help resolve issues that may arise. However, when choosing advice, one needs to judge the motives of the individual or source providing the advice. Online, there are provocateurs who may just be trolling people for laughs and profit. Other entrepreneurs may just be profiting off misery. Then there are others who are following strategies aligned with the Wonderful Paradox where by helping you get what you want they will get what they want. Keep this in mind when choosing your source and best of luck in your relationships.
